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Zoom calling etiquette 101

NOTE: Before you begin reading this, there is no offence to any Karen made. I feel sorry for the Karen folk of the world being shamed on the internet right now.

I feel like I should have a Diploma in Zoom. The majority of Hawke’s Bay and New Zealand for that matter seem to be using Zoom. After having Zoom calls virtually hourly (see what I did there) 😉 I should be awarded a participation award already. I’ve discovered that there is an etiquette to zoom calls.

NOW… You must think it’s highly petty of me to think this but when you sit online for 18 hours a day on a computer / device. With lots of previous experience, you find yourself getting quite anal on these things, called video calls.

Zoom US stock shares have gone up since last week. Wonder why?

Etiquette to these calls is as follows.

what not to wear or do (great stock image)
what not to wear or do (great stock image)

BEFORE

1. Don’t dress to impress, as my nana use to say no boobs or bums for the camera. The host could be recording 😉 Dress like you’re attending a meeting.

2. Sit up and shut up. Sit properly.

3. Make sure your waitress or waiter, supplies you with that hot or cold beverage before the call.

4. Lighting needs to be on point, and the top tip is to have a minimal, non-distracting and dull background. We don’t want to watch what your husband Jim is up to in regards to preparing for your date night.

5. In prep, For just at least 40 mins switch your god damn ringtone off, CARLA hates hearing it in the office. She will go nuts in a zoom call. Make sure all your annoying notifications are off as they’re So distracting.

6. Make sure your desktop is looking mint so that if screen sharing your NWS content is not on display.

7. Be there before the meeting starts as you’ll look like an idiot if you show up late. You’ll be known for being a leper.

8. Gentleman folk, have a brush, shower and shave, sorry I excluded the other S word before shower. You don’t want to look like Nigel in my last Zoom meeting who had an orange and got it stuck in his molars.

9. Align the zoo, make sure your cat or dog or rabbit even is not going to make a guest appearance.

10. Don’t have the following on display: toilet paper, hand sanitizer, baby wipes and teddy bears. You don’t want to look like a hoarder and the bear hunt isn’t happening on this zoom call, unfortunately.

11. Have an agenda, that way it’s a quick in and out, and it might save you having to upgrade to the business plan so you can get away with a free 40-minute account.

That banana though!

That banana though!

12. Make sure you’ve eaten the banana before the call rather than afterwards. Don’t eat on a call.

13. When positioning your camera, particularly with us, ladies don’t have your cleavage on display as that is distracting for the male folk.

DURING

14. Firstly, when the meeting starts to TELL your guests that you’re recording as nobody likes to drop a bombshell.

15. If you’re the host, make sure that if Alyssa from Marketing knows Alana from Distribution Management as it could get quite awkward in the team zoom meeting.

16. Anticipate bad connections and internet drop-offs and audio malfunctions it’s bound to happen. Just be patient.

17. Mute the microphone, when Henry is talking; we want to see Henry’s face not your camera because you can’t sit still and keep moving your chair.

run run run!
run run run!

18. Do not change the background. Please, Ken, stop changing the virtual background to when you’re in a Jurassic park scene. TWIT!

19. If you want to speak but your hand up, so people know you want to talk and won’t interrupt.

20. STAY in one spot, if you need to excuse yourself then do so politely.

21. If you’re talking, talk to the other people not by looking at yourself. There are these things called mirrors.

Attention spam graph

22. Stick to the meeting. Meaning do not check your Facebook or emails. FOCUS. Control your attention span. Edward can wait till after the meeting for that naughty selfie. Also, another reason why I pointed out, turning off notifications. (as mentioned in number 4)

END

23. If you’re the host stick around until everyone has left so that people leave at their own pace and when they want and if they have lingering questions like, “CAN I GO BACK TO WORKING AT THE OFFICE” (obviously your answer is going to be ‘NO STAY HOME’ can be answered privately. A host leaving the party first is like bailing on your own party. LOL AWKS

24. Reward yourself with a beverage for completing your work related video call.

25. If you’re the host abide by numbers 1-24. You need to lead by example.

My queue position at 11: 34 AM
My queue position at 11: 34 AM

Also, if you try to connect to ZOOM support, I was today on number 354 of my question and am still waiting for my question to be answered almost 12 hours later. Have fun getting support! Talk to your local excellent IT company for help. BOOM! Shout out to HB Technologies.

IN A NUT SHELL..

BEFORE

  1. Dress professional.
  2. sit properly.
  3. beverages need to be sorted before the call.
  4. appropriate lighting.
  5. switch notifications off.
  6. have a clean/sorted desktop, prior to screensharing.
  7. remove pets from all calls.
  8. be mindful of your environment.
  9. have a clear and crisp agenda. 
  10. do not eat on a call.
  11. position your camera on a professional angle.
  12. Be punctual
  13. Have a groom first.

DURING

  1. Inform your guests you’re recording before the call.
  2. Introduce guests if needed.
  3. Anticipate bad internet connections and audio malfunctions.
  4. Mute your microphone when you’re not talking.
  5. Do not change your virtual background.
  6. Don’t interrupt people. (If needed raise your hand before speaking.)
  7. Sit in one position.
  8. Look at the people rather than yourself in the camera.
  9. Focus your attention span on the call.

END

  1. If you’re hosting the call wait until everyone has left.

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